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- After getting married and before having four kids, my husband and I lived in Spain for a year.
- Being away from everyone we knew pushed us to lean on each other.
- I'm thankful we got to explore the world a little bit before becoming parents.
Every Wednesday, I pedaled downtown Madrid to my Spanish immersion class, pulling out my travel coffee mug as I sat next to friends from Russia and Thailand to practice our mediocre "¿Cuánto cuesta?" together. On Sundays, we traipsed through the booths at El Rastro, a flea market filled with colorful scarves and discount underwear.
After our wedding (and before we had four kids), my husband and I quit our jobs and moved to Spain for a year. He took a contract teaching position at a local middle school, allowing us to get a visa and a flat. I wrote remotely for companies in the US and Australia.
During that year, I enjoyed churros in piazzas and shopping along the Douro River in Portugal, but I had no idea how thankful I'd be that we explored the world before raising a family.
We learned to rely on each other
Navigating life 4,000 miles from everyone we knew pushed us to lean on each other in deep ways early in our marriage.
When we arrived in Madrid, finding a landlord who would rent to expats for a year proved challenging. At one point, we found a place, but needed to put down a deposit within a few hours. Instead, I found myself screaming at an ATM because my international debit card didn't work. Joe then took the lead on apartment-hunting — his Spanish skills far better than mine — and found us a spot near the Madrid Rio. I had to trust him, and he pulled through, like he always does.
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When we hiked El Camino de Santiago, a bee sting inflamed Joe's leg, and he couldn't carry his pack anymore. It was up to me to lug all our clothes, snacks, and toiletries on my back as we traveled from hostel to hostel.
Living abroad created a foundation of trust and problem-solving. We fall back on those skills when we're up at night with kids, or have a blowout in public with no diaper bag in sight. We learned and practiced how to get through anything together.
Living our dreams gave us a spark
On long weekends and school breaks, we traveled across Europe: flights were cheap to Greece, Ireland, and Poland. We bounced to southern France to hike the Pyrenees, to Dublin to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, to Lithuania to ride horses and sip vodka with Joe's extended family. In Greece, we sampled cheese with the factory workers, explored pristine beaches, and wandered through the Acropolis.
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With no kids and no major responsibilities, we skipped to our own beat and took advantage of seeing every bit of Europe we could on our budget. The adventures together formed a sense of pure joy and lightheartedness in our marriage. We could literally see the world. It planted a seed that we could indeed live large, chase our dreams, and design a life we wanted.
We focused on us and our priorities
In a fresh environment, away from family, friends, and US culture, we could listen to what was important to us — not everyone else. We had space to carve out our priorities, like a more relaxed daily pace, a strong community, and traveling to places that filled our souls. We imagined what could be different for our lives and what we truly care about, both now and in the future.
At least two dozen strangers have told me, "It goes by fast" and "Don't blink" about the younger years with my kids. And I agree with them. But marriage goes fast too — the years with my husband aren't eternal. Each month we don't go on a date, is a month I miss out on being with him. This is the only life we have with our spouses, too, and as the years slip by, I become more grateful that we got to have those wonder years together before the kids were born.
Traveling with kids is more complex
We hope to take our kids abroad someday — possibly living there for a year or two. For now, though, with four young kids, it's difficult to make that happen. The logistics of naps, meals, school, work, and expenses are more challenging as a family of six than it was for just the two of us.
We still hold onto that dream and continue to plot when it might make sense to travel based on the kids' ages.
For now, I've printed large-sized photos of our travels and placed them in frames on our living room wall. The memories serve as a foundation of our love, our dreams, and our connection, even on the busiest days of parenting. Because right now, we have some beautiful things happening right in our own house, too.